Week # 3 : Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God

Marriage – God ordained and created it.  He Designed it and Defined it!

Marriage is beautiful and sacred and has been around since the very beginning of time, since our first parents were placed on this earth, Mother Eve and Father Adam. They were commanded to marry, to be fruitful and to multiple and replenish the earth (Genises 1:28).  Marriage was ordained and created by God.  No man or woman can design of define marriage because God already has, and He is ruler over all things.  Also no men or women can change how God biologically designed males and females or how babies are created.  God is the creator over all the earth and all things in them including human kind. He commanded man and woman to cleave unto one another and none else and to become one flesh.  He also warned, “What God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matthew 19:4-6). 

I believe strongly “that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children (The Family: A Proclamation to the World).  This is one reason why the Chief Justice Roberts on The Supreme Court Justices dissented on the “Obergefell v. Hodges, 576 U.S. (2015)” case.  Below is his very powerful reason why 5 judges cannot overrule the majority of the people’s vote and change God’s design and definition of marriage. 

“This universal definition of marriage as the union of a man and a woman is no historical coincidence. Marriage did not come about as a result of a political movement, discovery, disease, war, religious doctrine, or any other moving force of world history—and certainly not as a result of a prehistoric decision to exclude gays and lesbians. It arose in the nature of things to meet a vital need: ensuring that children are conceived by a mother and father committed to raising them in the stable conditions of a lifelong relationship….

The premises supporting this concept of marriage are so fundamental that they rarely require articulation. The human race must procreate to survive. Procreation occurs through sexual relations between a man and a woman. When sexual relations result in the conception of a child, that child’s prospects are generally better if the mother and father stay together rather than going their separate ways. Therefore, for the good of children and society, sexual relations that can lead to procreation should occur only between a man and a woman committed to a lasting bond.

Society has recognized that bond as marriage. And by bestowing a respected status and material benefits on married couples, society encourages men and women to conduct sexual relations within marriage rather than without. As one prominent scholar put it, “Marriage is a socially arranged solution for the problem of getting people to stay together and care for children that the mere desire for children, and the sex that makes children possible, does not solve.” J. Q. Wilson, The Marriage Problem 41 (2002)” (ROBERTS, C. J.).

I also believe that “ALL HUMAN BEINGS—male and female—are created in the image of God.  Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose” (The Family: A Proclamation to the World).  The gender we came into this world with is the gender we will leave with.  My husband and I are very different.  He has different traits than me due to his gender and personality.  He can give our children things that I cannot and vice versa.  Our children need and deserve both a mother and a father.  It is not possible for all children to have both parents to raise them, but that is the best for all children.  I am the mother of 4 beautiful children, one of which is already in heaven.  They are my world.  I love them more than anything and will stand up for what is best for them!  They and all other children deserve the very best society and I can give them.  Which is why I will stand up and speak up for marriage and family as God designed and intended to be.  Parents need to teach our children what we believe.  Sister Bonnie L. Oscarson said in her most recent address to woman all over the world,

“I worry that we live in such an atmosphere of avoiding offense that we sometimes altogether avoid teaching correct principles. We fail to teach our young women that preparing to be a mother is of utmost importance because we don’t want to offend those who aren’t married or those who can’t have children, or to be seen as stifling future choices. On the other hand, we may also fail to emphasize the importance of education because we don’t want to send the message that it is more important than marriage. We avoid declaring that our Heavenly Father defines marriage as being between a man and woman because we don’t want to offend those who experience same-sex attraction. And we may find it uncomfortable to discuss gender issues or healthy sexuality.  Certainly, sisters, we need to use sensitivity, but let us also use our common sense and our understanding of the plan of salvation to be bold and straightforward when it comes to teaching our children and youth the essential gospel principles they must understand to navigate the world in which they live. If we don’t teach our children and youth true doctrine—and teach it clearly—the world will teach them Satan’s lies” (Oscarson, 2016).

We are parents!  We need to be parents and teach our children fundamental truths.  Be brave and bold in rearing our precious children the best we know how to ensure the best future for them.  God’s ways are the best for time and all eternity.  Marriage and family as He ordained and created it is the best way for our children and our society forever.

These are my beliefs, which I have a right to, living in the Unitted States of America, which our founding fathers fought valiantly for Religious freedom above all else.  I also believe  very strongly in being kind and loving to ALL God’s children.  I believe firmly in the following quote from Elder Oaks, in the article, Mormon Apostle Calls for Balance and Accommodation, Not Culture Wars,

“Parties with different views on the relationship between church and state should advocate and act with civility. ... We all lose when an atmosphere of anger or hostility or contention prevails,” he said.  “We all lose when we cannot debate public policies without resorting to boycotts, firings, and intimidation of our adversaries.”

Elder Oaks said that on the “big issues” that divide adversaries, religionists should not seek a veto over all nondiscrimination laws that offend their religion, and the proponents of nondiscrimination should not seek a veto over all assertions of religious freedom. 

“Both sides in big controversies like this should seek to understand the other's position and seek practical accommodations that provide fairness for all and total dominance for neither,” he said."

I love that quote.  God loves ALL His children and wants us to get along.  

Another very important quote from Elder Oaks, from The Divine Institution of Marriage, is:

"If tolerance is defined as showing kindness for others and respect for differing viewpoints, it is an important value in all democratic societies. But as Elder Dallin H. Oaks has observed, “Tolerance does not require abandoning one’s standards or one’s opinions on political or public policy choices. Tolerance is a way of reacting to diversity, not a command to insulate it from examination.”

References

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The Divine Institution of Marriage. http://http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/the-divine-institution-of-marriage

The Family: A Proclamation to the World. https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng

Obergefell v. Hodges, 576 U.S. (2015). Supreme Court of the United States. https://www.supremecourt.gov/opinions/14pdf/14-556_3204.pdf

Oscarson, B. L.,(2016, October).  Rise up in strength, sisters in zion. Ensign.

Week # 2: Does Marriage and Family Matter?

Does Marriage and Family Matter?

I am beginning this blog on the importance of marriage and family to share why I believe marriage and family need to be protected and saved.  I believe that marriage and the family is the fundamental unit of society and the best way for people to have true love, joy, safety, success, stability, and peace in their lives.  I believe as stated in “The Family: A Proclamation to the World, “that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.”

·      Don’t Give up, Fight for your Marriage!

·         Elder Oaks teaches, “I strongly urge you and those who advise you to face up to the reality that for most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often the cause is not incompatibility but selfishness. The first step is not separation but reformation. Divorce is not an all-purpose solution, and it often creates long-term heartache. A broad-based international study of the levels of happiness before and after “major life events” found that, on average, persons are far more successful in recovering their level of happiness after the death of a spouse than after a divorce. Spouses who hope that divorce will resolve conflicts often find that it aggravates them, since the complexities that follow divorce—especially where there are children—generate new conflicts”(2012). 

·      Personal Experience- My husband and I are fighters! 

We have faced our share of difficulties.  The first tragedy we faced was the loss of our second child, a stillborn baby boy.  This was devastating for us.  However, we clung to our religious beliefs that we would see him again and to each other.  

A year later we were faced with a job loss and other serious marital problems, which caused us to move in with my parents.  However, we fought for our family.  We attended marriage therapy for a year, prayed everyday for help and strength and attended the temple every week for months. Then two years later serious challenges struck again.  My Husband has OCD and depression, which flared up big time.  This caused some very serious struggles.  Again we fought for our family.  We prayed, fasted, and sought support and professional help.  We clung to each other.  Eventually things got too tough for my husband and me to handle.  We ended up being separated for about 6 months.  However, during this time we worked to strengthen ourselves. I returned to school and my husband made big changes.  Today we are together and stronger than ever. 

I can personally testify that President Kimball’s words are true. He taught: “Two individuals approaching the marriage altar must realize that to attain the happy marriage which they hope for they must know that marriage … means sacrifice, sharing, and even a reduction of some personal liberties. It means long, hard economizing. It means children who bring with them financial burdens, service burdens, care and worry burdens; but also it means the deepest and sweetest emotions of all.”

 I would never change the things my husband and I have gone through.  They have made us stronger better people and have unified us.  I truly believe that it is through marriage that we learn and grow the most and become closer to our Savior, Jesus Christ.  I know from personal experience that if couples work together to be better people individually and as a couple, forgive each other, and apply the atonement in their lives every day they can have a marriage beyond joy for time and all eternity and their children will be blessed beyond measure.  I fight for my marriage and family because I know that my marriage and family have eternal value and I want us to be together forever, not just til death do us part.  We already have one of us waiting for us in heaven.  We will make it to him.  

Here are some statistics and information about how devastating Divorce is for couples, children, and society as a whole, and why marriage is so important.  We live in a world where marriage is becoming less and less sacred and special. 

Many people think marriage is just a personal preference. 

·      However, The State of our Unions states, “Marriage is not merely a private arrangement; it is also a complex social institution. Marriage helps to unite the needs and desires of couples and the children their unions produce. Because marriage fosters small cooperative unions—otherwise known as stable families—it not only enables children to thrive, but also shores up communities, helping family members to succeed during good times and to weather the bad times” (The State of the Unions, 2012). 

o   I love the following great story Elder Todd. D. Christofferson shared, “Above the Great West Door of the renowned Westminster Abbey in London, England, stand the statues of 10 Christian martyrs of the 20th century. Included among them is Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a brilliant German theologian born in 1906.1 Bonhoeffer became a vocal critic of the Nazi dictatorship and its treatment of Jews and others. He was imprisoned for his active opposition and finally executed in a concentration camp. Bonhoeffer was a prolific writer, and some of his best-known pieces are letters that sympathetic guards helped him smuggle out of prison, later published as Letters and Papers from Prison.  One of those letters was to his niece before her wedding. It included these significant insights: “Marriage is more than your love for each other. … In your love you see only your two selves in the world, but in marriage you are a link in the chain of the generations, which God causes to come and to pass away to his glory, and calls into his kingdom. In your love you see only the heaven of your own happiness, but in marriage you are placed at a post of responsibility towards the world and mankind. Your love is your own private possession, but marriage is more than something personal—it is a status, an office. Just as it is the crown, and not merely the will to rule, that makes the king, so it is marriage, and not merely your love for each other, that joins you together in the sight of God and man. … So love comes from you, but marriage from above, from God.”

The State of the Unions also states that divorce is causing the loss of the middle class in America. 

·      It states, “Middle America are growing up without stable families to help them weather economic change, deregulation, and globalization. The loss of social opportunity for these children and their families, and the national cost to taxpayers when stable families fail to form—about $112 billion annually, or more than $1 trillion per decade, by one cautious estimate—are significant” (The State of the Unions, 2012). 

Lack of marriage and the prevalence of divorce in America cost us greatly, but not only financially. 
 

·      Amato found that, “ Research clearly demonstrates that children growing with two continuously married parents are less likely than other children to experience a wide range of cognitive, emotional, and social problems, not only during childhood, but also into adulthood.” 

·      He shared research that found that children who are from divorced families, or born out of wedlock repeat grades, are suspended from school, participate in delinquent behaviors, violence, therapy, have smoked in the last month, have had thoughts of suicide, or attempted suicide at higher percentages than children who live in homes with both married biological parents. 

Some people think that cohabitation is just as good as marriage if the couple is committed to each other. 

·      Research has found that, “Children are less likely to thrive in cohabiting households, compared to intact, married families. On many social, educational, and psychological outcomes, children in cohabiting households do significantly worse than children in intact, married families, and about as poorly as children living in single-parent families. And when it comes to abuse, recent federal data indicate that children in cohabiting households are markedly more likely to be physically, sexually, and emotionally abused than children in both intact, married families and single-parent families” (The State of our Unions, 2012). 

Finally, many couples that divorce are less happy after divorce than when they were married

·      “One study found “no evidence that divorce or separation typically made adults happier than staying in an unhappy marriage. Two out of three unhappily married adults who avoided divorce reported being happily married five years later” (Oaks, 2007).

Divorce is needed at times. 

•  Elder Oaks shared, “We know that many of you are innocent victims—members whose former spouses persistently betrayed sacred covenants or abandoned or refused to perform marriage responsibilities for an extended period. Members who have experienced such abuse have firsthand knowledge of circumstances worse than divorce” (Oaks, 2012.) 

·    

References

Christofferson, D. T. (April 2015), Why marriage, why family.  Ensign.

Oaks, D.H. (May 2007). Divorce. Ensign.

State of Our Unions 2012; The National Marriage Project. (Note: Carefully read pages 1–13 and 61–103; you may skim pages 13-60)

Amato, P. (Fall, 2005). The impact of family formation change on the cognitive, social, and emotional well-being of the next generation. The Future of Children, 15(2), 75-96.