What is pride and how does it affect marriages? President Benson says, “Most of think of
pride as self-centeredness, conceit, boastfulness, arrogance, or
haughtiness. All of these are elements
of the sin, but the heart, or core, is still missing. The central feature of pride is enmity-enmity
toward God and enmity toward our fellowmen.
Enmity means “hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition.” It
is the power by which Satan wishes to reign over us.” (Beware of Pride, 1989).
Pride is very destructive, especially in relationships. President Benson explained that pride is very
competitive in nature and that it is because of pride that we “elevate
ourselves against others and diminish them” (Beware of Pride, 1989). Do you ever do this in your marriage, think
you are better than your spouse and belittle them? I have, too many times. I am sad to admit that many times I have
acted like I am better than my husband and have treated him poorly. I have criticized him for doing things that
annoy me or don’t meet my standards of how things should be done, instead of
lifting him up. After reading President
Benson’s talk I realized that whenever I do this I am being proud and hurting
my husband and our marriage. When I criticize or belittle my husband I am not
being humble, meek, or submissive.
Wallace Goddard taught a principle that can help me change. He said, “In fact, any time we feel irritated
with our spouses, that irritation is not an invitation to call our spouses to
repentance but an invitation to call ourselves to repent. We are irritated because of our own lack of
faith and humility.” I love this principle. If I take this principle to heart and
whenever I get irritated with my husband and use it as a time to stay calm,
loving, and kind instead of criticizing my husband I will be on way to becoming
more Christ like, more humble, kind, and loving. My marriage will be blessed with more love
and kindness. For now on whenever I get
irritated I will know it is a signal that I am being proud and that I need to
refocus on improving myself and being humble.
Goddard also said, “Appreciating is more powerful than
correcting. Appreciation inflates the
tires on which we travel. Criticism is a
slow leak in those tires.” This is so
true. Criticism does no one any
good. It does not help people improve.
Speaking words of encouragement, cheering each other on helps us grow and be
better people. Criticism does not. Criticism only brings contention into our
lives and comes from the proud, not the humble and meek. Faultfinding is part of pride, which is
destructive.
Another big part of being humble and having a happy harmonious
marriage is to listen to each other and allowing both partners to have power in
your marriage. John Gottman said, “One
study…did find that the happiest, most stable marriage in the long run were
those in which the husband did not resist sharing power and decision making
with the wife” (2015, p.116). In my
marriage I am the one who needs to work on sharing the power more. I am the oldest child and pretty bossy. I make most the decisions and when I ask my
husband I still have the final say. I
can definitely see how this does not strengthen our marriage. I need to invite him into the decision making
process much more. I also need to go to
him more than to my dad or others when making decisions.
Ephesians 5:31 reads, “For this cause shall a man leave his father
and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one
flesh.”
God has commanded us to become one.
Part of becoming one requires husband and wife to share power in the
marriage, to make decisions together as a partnership. When both husband and wife are counseling
together to make decisions they will make better decisions for their whole
family and will grow closer together. I
truly believe that when we follow God’s counsel, and keep His commandments we
will find true joy. He knows best what
will make us truly happy. Therefore, if
we cleave unto one another, listening whole-heartedly to each other, making
decisions and working together in humility as husband and wife we will have
true joy in our marriages.
President Kimball taught that individuals involved in marriage
are to “eliminate the ‘I’ and the ‘my’ and substitute therefore ‘we’ and
‘our.’” He then concluded: “Every decision must take into consideration that
now two or more are affected by it.” Couples who understand and emphasize this
mindset avoid selfishness and nurture a deepening unity that makes them one. In
other words, they begin to experience what Christ meant when He said “they are
no more twain, but one flesh” (Matt. 19:6)(Richardson,
2005).
True unity in
marriage requires us to be humble, meek, and submissive. Through our Savior, Jesus Christ we can
achieve these qualities and have a unified marriage filled with peace, love, and
joy.
References
Richardson, Matthew O. (2005,
April). Three Principles of Marriage. Ensign
Goddard, H. W. (2009) Drawing
heaven into your marriage. Eternal doctrine that change relationships. Cedar
Hills, UT: Joymap publishing.
Gottman, J. M. (2015). The Seven principles for making marriage
work (2nd ed). New York,
NY: Harmony books.
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