Week 11: Intimacy in Marriage is Beautiful and Sacred

I am so grateful to have grown up in a home where physical intimacy was not talked about in a negative way, but in a sacred and beautiful way.  I saw my parents be affectionate with each other and knew they were very comfortable with their sexuality just by how they acted toward one another and their own bodies.  My parents taught us to be careful and avoid steady dating until we were ready to marry because sex drives are strong when dating and you need to be ready and mature enough to protect those urges and save them for marriage.  They taught us that sexual intimacy is beautiful and wonderful when married.  I never saw sex as a bad thing.  I always looked forward to getting married and being able to have an intimate physical relationship with my husband. 

I was also able to talk to my parents about sexual things.  Soon after I became engaged to my husband I realized just how strong my natural desires for my husband were becoming.  John Taylor said, “Well, he [God] has planted, in accordance with this, a natural desire in women towards man, and in man towards women and a feeling of affection, regard, and sympathy exists between the sexes.”  This is definitely true.  However, I was not yet married and knew this desire was meant to be fully used in marriage.  I called my dad and told him that these desires were becoming really strong.  We had a great talk and my dad laid some ground rules for me to help me control those desires.  I am so grateful I was able to call my dad and talk to him about such personal things.  I know that talk helped my husband and I make it to the temple worthily. It also allowed us to have a fun, special, and beautiful physical relationship after we were married.

Later, the week before I got married my fiancé and I were talking to my mom in her room one afternoon.  We were all sitting on her bed discussing wedding plans and life.  Later, after my fiancé had left, my mom said to me something like, “Aren’t you so excited to be married and just lay together in bed and not have to be so careful anymore, but be free to love him with all your heart.  Sex is wonderful.”  At the time I did not know how lucky I was to have such an awesome mom who helped getting married and becoming one with my husband as God has commanded us to, to be such a fun, exciting, wonderful, and beautiful experience.  I never felt bad or uncomfortable not even on our wedding night.  Sex was guilt free for me as God intends it to e when married.  I knew the following to be true with all my heart:

 “Within the enduring covenant of marriage, the Lord permits husband and wife the expression of the sacred procreative powers in all their loveliness and beauty within the bounds He has set. One purpose of this private, sacred, intimate experience is to provide the physical bodies for the spirits Father in Heaven wants to experience mortality. Another reason for these powerful and beautiful feelings of love is to bind husband and wife together in loyalty, fidelity, considerations of each other, and common purpose” (-Elder Richard G. Scott, Ensign, Nov. 1994, 38.)

I also love the following quote from Brent A. Barlow talking about how as a church we believe in Sexuality.

“We believe in it inasmuch as we know of the sorrow that comes from the inappropriate use of sexuality outside the realm of marriage. We are acutely aware of what the prophets, past and present, have warned in these matters. As Alma declared to his son Corianton, “Wickedness never was happiness.” (Alma 41:10).  But we also believe in the good that can be derived from the appropriate use of intimacy in marriage. We are well aware of the joy and unity that can come to a married couple when this particular dimension of the marital relationship is nurtured.”

I also know that sexual intimacy is very sacred and requires the utmost sensitivities between husband and wife.  They need to communicate to each other their feelings, fears, and apprehensions, what they like, what makes them feel loved and special.  What makes them feel uncomfortable or not special.  When couples talk about their sexual relationship it can become more sacred, beautiful, and special.  Not talking about it is where problems occur.  The following quotes are perfect for keeping physical intimacy sacred and special.

“Tenderness and respect–never selfishness–must be the guiding principles in the intimate relationship between husband and wife. Each partner must be considerate and sensitive to the other’s needs and desires. Any domineering, indecent, or uncontrolled behavior in the intimate relationship between husband and wife is condemned by the Lord”( President Howard W. Hunter, Ensign, Nov. 1994, 51)”

“Within marriage, however, the stimulations of those emotions can either be used as an end unto itself or to allow a couple to draw close in oneness through the beautiful, appropriate expression of these feelings between husband and wife. There are times, brethren, when you need to restrain you feelings. There are times when you need to allow their  full expression. Let the Lord guide you in ways that will enrich your marriage.”

-Richard G. Scott, “The Sanctity of Womanhood,” Ensign, May 2000, 37; emphasis added.

Lastly keep sexual intimacy sacred, beautiful, and pure.  Beware of pornography.  Keep it out of your marriage and your family.  If you or your spouse struggle with it get help.  Don’t give up, but seek help!  Begin by attending the church’s Pornography, Addiction Recovery Program, for the addict and the spouse, talk with your bishop, reach out to support groups locally, over the phone, Skype et cetera.  There are many people who struggle and deal with this.  You are not alone.  I believe with all my heart in the Healing and strengthening power of the Atonement.  There is nothing that is too powerful or strong that we cannot overcome through the power of the Atonement and our Savior’s unconditional love for us.

“Be faithful in your marriage covenants in thought, word, and deed….Pornography, flirtations, and unwholesome fantasies erode one’s character and strike at the foundation of a happy marriage.  Unity and trust within a marriage are thereby destroyed”( President Howard W. Hunter, Conference Report, Oct 1994

Blog – L11- Intimacy in marriage is beautiful and sacred

Barlow, B. A. "They Twain Shall Be One: Thoughts on intimacy in marriage,": Thoughts on intimacy in marriage", Ensign, Sept 1986, 49.

Faml 300-Quotes-Phy Intimacy.ppt The following slides in PowerPoint provide prophetic counsel on physical intimacy in marriage.